10 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was in High School 🤔 💡

The complete list! 8 is my favorite.

High school me in 2013. So much blonder, so bright-eyed…(P.C. Isa Ouwehand)

Hello Wonderful Readers,

I felt a lot of resistance writing this piece. I’m very tired right now. Most of you reading this are not in high school, and any of my younger cousins or friends who might be are probably just scrolling on TikTok. You can see how my inner critic is already working against me! That’s why it’s important to me to challenge myself. I’m determined to write and publish this piece for you anyway.

I’m stealing the idea of this list from Austin Kleon, who stole it from Debbie Millman. I listened to his story about it on Millman’s podcast this week. Here, I’ve cobbled together ten things I wish I had known when I was graduating from high school. That year was 2013, and a lot has changed since then. Instagram existed at the time, but it wasn’t widely used. This was years before TikTok, when the first major sex scandal about Jimmy Savile came out, and Oscar Pistorius, the South African sprinter, had just murdered his girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp.

I was finishing up my A-Levels at my incredibly fancy and academically rigorous “secondary school,” Westminster School in London. I had gotten rejected from all the top universities I applied to and was on my way to taking a gap year. I had no idea what I was doing with my life (spoiler, I still have no idea what I am doing now). So, without further ado, this is what I wish I had known at that time.

1. The mean girls don’t matter in this cruel world 🌎 .

You know Harriet and Layla, those two super bitchy mean girls who kicked you out of their cool girl group? And then you cried every night when you went home for months because of all the debilitatingly painful social anxiety they made you feel? Well, it turns out that both Harriet and Layla were seriously addicted to cocaine. Yeap. So, when everyone else is starting university, they’ll both end up going to rehab. And the good news is that once high school is over, you’ll never speak to them again. In fact, one girl in their group, Sala, will run into your sister one day in TopShop on the high street. She’ll try to apologize for bullying you, but by then, you’ll be living your best life in California, so you won’t even give a fuck.

Bad things will happen to the people who treated you badly, and for a brief moment in time, that revenge from the universe will taste so sweet. But the sad news is that bad things will also happen to people who don’t deserve it. Your friend will have Crohn’s disease flares that prevent him from working for years. Your other friend’s dad will die of pancreatic cancer. Your friends’ parents will start dying, but luckily not yours, yet (touch wood).

The point is that you truly have no idea what is going on in other people’s lives. While I’m not excusing the people that treated you horribly, often the people who are the meanest and cruelest and the most fucked up are, in fact, suffering the most on the inside. So, don’t take it personally. Just keep calm and carry the fuck on with living your best life as much as you can. Life is cruel and unfair, and not everything happens for a reason because there is actually an unimaginable amount of needless suffering in the world. Which brings me to my next point…

2. You have suffered enough 💁‍♀️🩸.

So, you first got your period when you were 11. Even though you had to pop 800mg of ibuprofen every couple of hours for the first two days each time, because your cramps were too painful, you told the GP when you were 16 that your periods were “normal.” Well, girl, let me tell you: they weren’t. Experiencing that much pain on a regular basis is completely unnecessary. In fact, sooner rather than later, you’ll decide that you’re done having periods altogether. You’ll get a Hormonal IUD, the Liletta, and that will stop your periods for a good 7 years. You won’t even stock tampons in your bathroom anymore, and you’ll never look back.

You come from a super privileged background, but that doesn’t mean you should continue to torture yourself with pain. “I’ve had two C-sections, and I’ve suffered enough,” the comedian Ali Wong will say when she talks about the mom guilt she feels for not making her kids salmon with quinoa or when one of her friends tries to warn her against taking pain killers that she needs because those medications could transfer into her breast milk.

Just by the very nature of our reproductive organs, females have suffered enough. You’ve suffered enough. Don’t believe all the hocus-pocus of the all-natural girls who use flowers and bathe in rivers instead of taking real medication to manage their symptoms. The pain and faff and bullshit of all the periods you’ve already had is already more than enough. Western medicine might not be perfect, but fuck it, you’re not spiritually superior for not putting hormones in your body. Don’t shame other women for putting chemicals and medications into their bodies that they need, either, or for dancing with the fairies and reading crystals. Do what works for you, and don’t be fucking judgmental. Take the pills, or get that Hormonal IUD shoved up your vagina and run. Periods are a complete fucking waste of time for you, and you should know sooner rather than later that you’re done with them. Get the medication you need, be grateful for it, and move on. And the IUD also prevents pregnancy, which is great news for you 😉.

3. No one remembers the worst moments of your life, except you 🙃.

Remember when you were sitting in the middle of Yard a couple of months ago, and you were wearing your favorite dark blue jumper that you got from a vintage shop on Portobello Road, and all the other students were about? And then, out of nowhere, a bird shat all along your arm? And then Harriet and Layla and their stupid gaggle of super bitchy friends laughed at you? Well, you might have felt like you were going to die in that moment from shame, and that is seared into your memory to this day. But trust me, no one remembers that event now.

The bad news is that you’re going to remember the most painfully embarrassing moments of your life. The good news is that nobody else will. When it comes to these super, earth-shattering moments of shame and embarrassment, the only thing you can do is have immense compassion for yourself. First, give yourself a hug. Physically hug yourself, don’t just give yourself that flimsy mental reassurance. And then whisper words of endless acceptance and forgive yourself. Reassure yourself that no one else is going to remember and that you are nothing but a little imperfect human worthy of love and belonging.

4. Make your own money 💰 🤑.

In your senior year of college, they will start offering Business Analytics as a new major at your fancy business school. While all your other friends are winding down and partying up, it will be the best decision of your life to take those coding classes and build the technical skills of that major. You’ll find learning to code difficult, but then you’ll graduate from college with this whole extra monetizable skillset that even the banker wankers and the consultants won’t be able to compete with.

Even though it’s boring and corporate, having marketable skills in this economy and this world is very important. You have to make enough money to support yourself and keep yourself safe. Having your own money will give you the freedom to move around wherever you want. It also means you don’t have to answer to anyone. When you get fired from your job, and you have to move in with your boyfriend at the time, you’re going to regret not having more of your own money.

So, make sure you start building some skills that are valued in the economy. There will be a pandemic, and you’ll get fired, and the economy will suck for a while. And the only way you can make it through all of that is by having your own stash of as much cash as possible. Then you’ll be able to leave any situation that you don’t like. Study hard. Get some marketable skills. Then, save money. And learn how to invest that money so you can have more of it. Don’t trust some crypto loser who is just going to blow up your bank account.

5. Take your fun interests seriously 😐 🎨.

You may think that at age 19, you don’t know much about your place in the world. But I would argue that you know as much about yourself right now as you’re ever going to know. In fact, when you go to university and start out in the workplace, the pressures for you to conform to someone you’re not are going to get even stronger. At 19, you actually have a pretty clear vision of what you want to do because you haven’t given the world enough time to beat it out of you. You want to write books, and while you’re not going to let the culture of your business school change you too much, you will still spend a good chunk of your twenties working in tech companies you don’t like, just to arrive back at square one where you already are at 19.

So, take stock right now of your interests. What do you like to do? Whether it’s writing, visiting museums, or creating art, these interests are just going to become diluted without changing as you get older. Don’t let the world and corporate America bash those out of you. Take your fun interests as seriously as you can. They might seem like hobbies, but one day, you’re going to think about creating a business out of them, and you’ll wish you hadn’t given up drawing ten years ago because then it will feel like you’re starting from scratch. Keep going with those passions and interests. Nurture them and keep them alive, like you’re adding logs and stoking a little campfire. One day, you’re going to be grateful that you still have them when everyone else is turning 30, and they have no concrete passions or interests.

6. Accept your parents’ imperfections and take responsibility for your life 🤸🏼‍♀️.

Over the next few years, you should go to lots of therapy and also ACA, which is a 12-step program for dysfunctional families. But once you’re an adult, sooner or later, you’re going to have to learn to forgive your parents for all the things they did wrong, be grateful for all the things they did right, and then move on. In fact, philosopher Alain de Botton decided not to complain about his parents once he turned 40. You’ve still got plenty of years before that, but once you’ve started sorting your shit out, blaming your parents constantly for everything that's wrong in your life will start to sound awkward and a bit immature.

Let’s face it. As an independent adult, you have to take responsibility for your own life, and you can’t really blame your parents for anything anymore. It’s up to you to fix whatever wounds they might have carved into you. That’s not going to be easy, and it will take a lot of different attempts to solve these issues. You’re going to try magic mushrooms a lot (which will help with your anxiety), EMDR, peyote, and also various psilocybin protocols. Just be open-minded about what can work for you. Ultimately, you’re going to settle on ACA for free group therapy as part of a 12-step program.

You’re not only going to have to forgive your parents, but you’re also going to have to forgive yourself, learn to become your own loving parent and learn how not to abandon yourself in the ways that they did in your childhood. While you’ll be grateful to have your siblings around, there will be a significant limit to how much they can help you because, in reality, your parents treat each of you differently. That’s something you’ll have to accept.

7. You’re a lot stronger than you think 💪.

On Wednesday, March 10th, 2021, something astronomically fucked up is going to happen to you. Sorry in advance for the warning. I wish I could rub a lamp and help you avoid your fate somehow, but I can’t. Life can be powerful and cruel like that. Let’s just say the negotiations class you’re going to take in business school is going to come in really handy, as is the book, “Never Split The Difference,” by Chris Voss. It’s definitely the most valuable studying you’ll ever do.

While you don’t believe in manifesting and the spiritual world all the much, you do have to be careful not to tempt the universe sometimes. If you shake your fists at the sky, asking for a sign, then bam! That’s when shit is going to hit you. And how dramatic the hit is depends on whether the universe thinks you need a full 180-course correction in your life. Sometimes, it does take the severity of a near-death experience to detonate the road you were driving down, so you’re forced to swerve around and bolt the other way. It will take you another year of barely surviving to figure out what is up from down. That’s okay. You’ll be okay.

You’re a lot stronger than you think, and unfortunately, you’ll only learn that once you’re truly tested. You pass with flying colors, by the way. You will rise to the occasion, and how you handle that situation is a huge testament to your character. The schoolboys who tease everyone in your History and Economics classes will seem like dust to you after you’ve gone through all that.

8. Follow the joy 🌞.

Life is part tragedy, but it’s also part ecstasy. You’re going to climb trees and see sunsets that stretch for a thousand miles. You’re going to kiss a new lover at your favorite bar in Mexico City under the twanging, teasing guitar of cumbia music. You’re going to jump into cold lakes that take your breath away and wear colorful suits on stages. I know you’ve spent basically your whole life up until this point taking exams and studying at academically rigorous institutions. But there is a lot more to life than academic achievement, my dear.

When you find yourself in a beautiful moment of any kind, please try your best to be fully present. Banish any guilt away, bathe in downright wonder, and take it all in. You deserve it. You won’t remember those client emails you sent back in November 2023. All you’ll remember is that you didn’t go see The War on Drugs, one of your favorite bands because you had “work” to do that evening. Work is a completely irrelevant excuse. One day, corporations, empires, and probably even capitalism will crumble and fall to nothing. And all that will be left when that happens are your memories of that afternoon when you sat beside that quirky guy you liked in a garden. The sun was setting between the fuchsia bougainvillea and the turtle doves were cooing, and you whispered something explicit and cheeky in his ear.

9. You are enough, just as you are ✨.

I know you love to read Vogue and Vanity Fair because you like the colorful clothes and the aspirational lives in the advertisements. But one day, you’ll learn that growing up in London’s stick-thin culture hasn’t been the healthiest thing for your self-image. It will take trying LSD, actually, for you to embrace the roundness of your butt and the beauty of your own body for the first time.

Some asshole you sleep with will say things to you like, “I prefer when women shave,” or “I prefer girls with longer hair.” But for just one of him, there will be many more men who quite like eating you out, hairy bush and all. Letting these kinder men love you will help you learn to love yourself. It’s okay to admit that. It’s okay to cry about that, even. Your therapist will tell you it’s good to be at least a bit of a narcissist; otherwise, you wouldn’t be able to survive.

The world is a complex, messed-up place, and being born with a vulva means that your appearance often carries more weight than who you are as a person. It’s an evil in society that is incredibly profitable because the more you care about how you look and hate yourself for it, the more likely you are to buy Botox and expensive makeup. Don’t try to fix whatever is on the outside when it’s your insides that need to be loved and embraced.

Not every potential partner you meet is going to find you attractive, but that’s really none of your bee’s wax. You’re walking through this world a little uneven and a little scarred in parts, but it’s your quirks and imperfections that make you loveable and whole. Be sure to enjoy sleeping diagonally and hogging all the blankets while you’re single, by the way. Be sure to say nice things to yourself when you look in the mirror. And when you pass a cute guy walking down the street, remember that time you stood in front of a boy with blue eyes on the creaky wooden floor next to the bed. And as you watched him watch you take off your clothes, he said to you,

“Dang!”

10. Fuck it all 💣.

I know that you feel pretty ashamed right now because you didn’t get into a top university. Most of your classmates got into Oxford or got perfect SAT scores, but you had to take the test 4 times and then still basically failed. Let me tell you: no matter how much you try to build yourself up with prestige, awards, and fancy job titles, external praise doesn’t really matter. In addition to liking yourself, it is just as important to like your life and enjoy it.

I know that this phrase has just become popular, but it’s actually more important than you can imagine: you only live once. It’s cliched, corny, and cheesy, but it’s true. You have nothing to lose. If you wake up one day and realize you’re miserable, don’t just wallow for three years and waste your money on an MBA. Stand up and do something about it. When you’re old and wrinkly, you’re not going to regret shaking your life by the shoulders and blowing it up to give yourself a shot of being happy in this one realm we have called life. One realm. One throughline. One plot. That’s all we get. So, whether it’s a job that you despise with a shitty manager or a career you don’t even know how you ended up in. Gather up everything you don’t like and press delete.

Which of these points resonated with you? Do you have a burning desire to say anything else to your high school self? As always, paid subscribers can battle it out in the comments.

Much love to you all! I hope you enjoy your weekend.

Love,

Tash

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