Instagram Ads, Madness & Me
My algorithm's obsession with Matthew Hussey.
Recently, I've been scrolling on Instagram. As I'm struggling with my internet sobriety, it's been interesting to observe what the algorithm is serving me. I've become entangled in a web of ads. They speak to the unwritten, twisted rules of being a female in this society. Of my need to be liked. Of my need to please others. Their messages are subliminal and subconscious, until they're so obvious they almost slap me in the face.
The worst ads I get are not the ones of a woman doing a handstand. These only leave me in a mild state of perpetual worry that I'm not flexible enough. The worst ads I get are not even the "chin age" ads that now keep me checking my neck in the mirror every morning.
("I'm 42, but my chin is 27," a young-looking woman would gawk out at me from the screen, showing off her perfect side profile. Why do the chin age ads matter? Because I'm still fucking thinking about them.)
The worst ads come from Matthew Hussey. No one has hooked me into a fixated state of disgust quite like he has. I don't believe in trolling people on social media. I only write what I'm willing to tell someone to their face. If Matthew were to read this, I'd gladly speak to him. Yet I feel entitled to speak about this because, for the last month at least, I have been targeted and retargeted with Matthew Hussey's ads on Instagram every single day.
If you have never heard of Matthew Hussey, I truly am sorry for bringing him into your life. I'm calling him out because he and his team (which ironically includes his wife, by the way) have incredibly persuasive and addictive messaging that is wearing me down one word at a time. I feel like I'm a fish that's already swimming in water, and yet Matthew is trying to sell me the ocean. I know that I don't need the ocean, and yet I let him stand there right in front of me and try to sell it to me anyway.
Here's me paraphrasing what his ads say,
"Are you desperate to constantly text your ex and can't seem to get away, even though he treated you like shit? Are you constantly hovering by the phone like a complete loser, and your ex is out there living his life again? You're not alone. I've made a 90-minute lecture called, "How to have some fucking self-respect after you stop dating a loser of a man-child." And here's the greatest part. It's absolutely 100% free. You deserve to be happy after dating the piece of shit that your ex-boyfriend was. Get help today. Go to the link in my bio and watch the 90-minute-long lecture now. Don't let yourself suffer anymore. You don't deserve it."
Can you feel how cringey and disgusting yet addictive that is? His ad team sets it up like clockwork. With the hook, the setup, reeling me in, telling me the story of how I got myself into this romantic mess and how I'm constantly failing myself. I feel like I'm getting roofied at a bar by a guy who is mansplaining the definition of "gaslighting" to me. He torpedo drills into my insecurities, mining my pockets until he finds my credit card and strikes gold. He hypnotizes me with his sickeningly normal but mildly cute-looking smile and English accent (weaponizing familiarity against me) until he is both the puppet and the master, and I have played into his hands. If only I would just click on the link, put in my email address, watch the 90-minute lecture, and join their private community. Upsell. Pay. Upsell. Pay. Then, I'll find the man and the relationship of my dreams. Then, I can put myself out of my misery. Then I'll be happy. Keeping me hopeful enough that he can fix everything about my love life. In a free workshop, nonetheless. It's so funny, it's sad. Let me sign away the rights of my first-born child while I'm at it. What am I waiting for?
And yet, the most fucked up and annoying thing about Matthew Hussey and advertising in general is that: it works. I let his ads play out in front of me in hilarious absurdity. Because I know Matthew Hussey is not in the business of helping women find love as he claims to be. No. He is in the business of profiting off of female insecurities. In this world of excess, they have to manufacture the need. They have to build a small factory of ideas in each of our minds that churns out insecure, negative self-talk and generates that powerful feeling of lacking. That discomfort which creeps across my skin when I feel self-conscious, and I start to worry that my date sitting across from me at dinner doesn't find me attractive. Matthew Hussey is in the business of manufacturing insecurities as toxically and as effectively as possible.
I know this, and yet I keep scrolling. We are being subjugated by insecurity capitalism. As long as we feel terrible about ourselves and are constantly exposed to narratives that make us believe that we'll never be good enough, the economy will grow, and Matthew Hussey's world of money-making will keep spinning around. And yet, the man has 1.7 million Instagram followers. He's smart enough to realize there's no shortage of single women out there. There may even be a surplus of eligible, amazing, single women. Ironically, this white English man who isn't too bad-looking and is quite charismatic is capitalizing on the fact that so many of his own kind may be deadbeat, non-committal, depressed, lost, and looking for a new mother, sorry, a girlfriend to save them.
In spite of watching all his ads, I want to resist. I will not let this man explain everything about me to myself. I pause and ask myself: what the fuck has the world come to? And then I remember the words of Cindy Gallop on the Design Matters podcast with Debbie Millman in 2016:
"That's coming from the patriarchy, and it's coming from a male-dominated culture. 97% of all advertising agency Creative Directors are men. Only 3% are women. We are the primary consumers and purchasers of everything, yet we are played back to ourselves in advertising through the male gaze. No wonder that 90% of women say that advertising doesn't understand them."
Still, yesterday, I gave in and entered a fake email address to get a taste of this 90-minute lecture on auto-play.
"I've worked with hundreds of celebrities. I've been on CNN, ABC, and BBC News. But that's not what matters. What matters is you. And I'm here to help you."
30 minutes later.
"Get access to my exclusive, private community, where I'll walk you through the ten steps to finding the man and building the relationship of your dreams."
Between the photos and videos of atrocities, hate crimes, and wars around the world that I see on Instagram, this is the jarring and shitty reality of being a woman who uses social media today. I'm not shown healthy, happy female bodies. Instead, I'm subject to mental manipulation by this strange English man, while my friends, who are female founders, can't even get their ads approved by Meta. Companies are allowed to advertise all the penis-shaped erectile dysfunction medication that they want. But as soon as the ads look anything like a big circle with a smaller circle inside of it (a human female breast), it's banned. Even if it's wholesome and clearly about health. Female founders cannot even market their own products. They won't let women learn about their own bodies. That's why the sexual wellness company Dame is suing the MTA in New York City for denying their ads.
And yet, not a day goes by without me being retargeted by Matthew Hussey. This guy's budget for Instagram ads must be about $1 million per year. Because of capitalism and the patriarchy, he is allowed to retarget me hundreds of thousands of times until I report or block his content. And yet, he keeps reeling me in.
"Have you ever felt insecure about someone not loving you back?"
"Have you ever gotten so into someone that you pushed them away?"
Advertising works.
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Dare I say I followed him for like a year randomly mindlessly consuming his little rants before it disgusted me. You're better than me to feel it ASAP. Don't you know, Tash, that our problem in dating is 100% our own fault!!!! And has nothing to do with men being indoctrinated to receive endlessly from their partners as long as they supply the occasional compliment!!!! And if we (socialized to accept this) *actually* accept this it's because we suck and have no self-esteem!!!!
Tash, I enjoyed this piece which has a new feel to it. It's my birthday, I'm 74 and this education actually made me grateful I'm old enough to be able to side-step the Matthew Hussey's although insecurity capitalism affects us all.
We are being subjugated by insecurity capitalism. As long as we feel terrible about ourselves and are constantly exposed to narratives that make us believe that we'll never be good enough, the economy will grow, and Matthew Hussey's world of money-making will keep spinning around.