My BDSM Test Results
Exploring My Top 5 Sexual Preferences
I’m a sucker for online quizzes, and the BDSM test is no exception. I learned about it from my friend Rico a couple of years ago. Rico is the kind of guy who works a safe European postal job by day and goes to sex dungeons and kink parties by night. When he first told me stories about dominatrixes and tying people up and leather-clad twinks, I felt like I was standing on the edge of a new world. An alternative universe. And in this new universe, I needed to figure out who I was. I needed to figure out which games I wanted to play.
I took the BDSM test out of pure curiosity, and it has left me only more curious to explore my results in real life. I suddenly gained words for things I had been confused about for years. I identified preferences that I’d never been able to articulate. I coaxed out my inner deviant and can now determine my long-term sexual compatibility with any partner quite easily. Plus, reflecting on my top five results for you here has inspired me with a lot of stories I’d love to share with you along similar themes. But that’s all for a later date. As for now, let’s dive into the results!
My Results
My Top 5 Explored
5. I’m a Switch
Definition: “Switches like to…well, switch. Always taking a dominant or top position is not for them, neither is always taking a submissive or bottom position.”
If my article last week about pegging my boyfriend is anything to go by, I’m excited about having power over my male partners at times. I’m talking about the kind of a man who needs to be taught a lesson. The kind of a man who wants to kiss my hand and have me spank him as hard as I can at the same time. The kind of man who wants me to stick the butt plug deeper into his ass, as he lies down on my bed and weeps softly with pleasure.
I used to think I was a switch because I was “accommodating” to men. What a sad, overly feminine thought! No. I’m a switch because I think playing one role in bed for the rest of my life would be boring. And sex is explorational. Sex is fun. I like trying new things. I like surprises. Some days I want to feel powerful. Some days I want my partner to be my little bitch.
4. I’m an Exhibitionist
Definition: “Exhibitionists enjoy showing their naked body or a sexual activity to other people. Consensually of course.”
This one surprised me. I’ve been to giant sex parties in New York before, where people go at it in an extensive, multi-roomed lounge. But those parties were not my jam at all. Sometimes I felt terrified just being there. All the darkness and hazy red lights and everyone wearing lacy black lingerie. The worst parts were the random men who were standing around in their underwear, on the verge of jerking off, or worse, fully clothed, who followed me between rooms, just in case I instantaneously started fucking someone. That never happened.
My notion of “consent” when it comes to being an exhibitionist is very important to me. To me, it means that I have control over who is seeing me, and how they are seeing me, and where they are seeing me. Which probably means we’re hooking up at one of our houses. I’d like some privacy and some psychological safety, please.
What does my exhibitionist tendency actually look like? Well, it rings bells of when I wrote about finding a man who loves my bush. Sprawling myself out on my bed for him. Having him gaze at the uneven, rouge-pink flaps of my vagina, amongst the curls of dark brown pubic hair. Showing him things he shouldn’t see. I’ll watch him watch me.
One of my partners likes to gaze at me, and spit in my ass now and then. That’s hot. He was the one who is incredibly hungry, always, and curious about tasting every corner of me. Sorry if I sound like a raging narcissist, but I love when his eyes are feasting on my naked body. Then I say something wannabe-sexy like,
“You like looking at her?”
“Yes,” he says.
“Good,” I say, grabbing his hair to make him taste her again. Then I’d add something as audacious as, “Good boy.”
Exhibitionism to me means acknowledging that he’s seeing what I’m seeing. We’re looking at and admiring what we shouldn’t be, together. Talking about it means that we’re complicit in the shared insanity of what we’re doing.
Additionally, I’ve always fantasized about having sex with multiple male and/or female partners at the same time, all from the privacy of my home or theirs. I want attention and I want a lot of it, which ideally means getting it from multiple people. One person could be pleasuring me or spanking me or what have you, and the other person would be watching, or pulling my hair back, or caressing me as I’m getting fucked. Goals for 2023, I guess!
3. I’m a Non-Monogamist
Definition: “Non-monogamists do not see sexuality as necessarily a 1 on 1 thing…they all have one thing in common: their sexuality is more than just between them and one fixed partner.”
My problems with monogamy go way back, and I’ll share more about that in a different article. To demonstrate this simply, I was once out with a monogamous friend of mine who was planning her wedding. I was trying to hide my incredulousness, but I couldn’t keep my mouth shut,
“But how do you feel about having sex with one person for the rest of your life?” I asked her.
“That is so rude, Tash, I don’t know why you would ask me that,” she said, “He’s the love of my life. I can’t wait to marry him.”
Due to irreconcilable differences in our values, unfortunately we’re no longer friends. I personally have nothing against monogamous people, but I still want a genuine answer to this question. How are monogamous people okay with this? What are they getting in return for this astronomical sacrifice?
I’m hoping to live at least until I’m 95, and over the years I will continue to find all kinds of people attractive. I want the freedom, the option, to have sex with whomever I choose, if it’s the right place and the right time. To limit myself to one sexual partner would be like wearing the same outfit for the rest of my days. Or eating the same dish for every meal, for ever and ever, amen. There are so many beautiful people out there in the world, with all kinds of fascinating life stories, interests, careers. Not even dating Roman Protasevich (my ultimate crush) would stop me from wanting to lock eyes with a cute guy across the bar. What is so wrong with that?
2. I’m a Submissive
Definition: “Submissives like to follow. Some like to give control away to their partner(s), some like to have it forcibly taken from them…being submissive is more about who decides what happens (and takes the responsibility that comes with it) than about the contents of what happens.”
Who I am in my sex life is almost the complete opposite of who I am in my day-to-day life. I’m an overly opinionated, financially independent female in my late 20s and I spend my time doing whatever I want. But in my sex life, the less independence, the less control and the less responsibilities I have, the better. In bed, I want someone else to make all the decisions and tell me what to do. Then they’ll physically pin me down. Overpower me. Choke me. And choke me more. I want to know that my chosen partner(s) could kill me, and for them to indicate that with their brute force, without actually doing it.
For some reason, I’m not ashamed of being submissive. Any functioning adult will tell you that the responsibilities of being a grown up are exhausting sometimes. In bed, I want someone to relieve me of the burdens of looking after myself and then call me a good girl when I do what they say (using the same words that the adults used to praise me when I was a child. Oh, the perverted remnants). For obvious reasons, I am not very compatible in long-term sexual partnerships with men who are also submissive. More on that at a different time.
1. I’m a Brat
Definition: “Brats are, in essence, naughty submissives. They find disobedience a form of playfulness rather than letting their dominant down and require a compatible dominant who will not only teach them a lesson, but also accept that any number of lessons might still not necessarily change this behaviour.”
This test result is bang on (sorry for the pun). Teasing and emasculating men is how I flirt, and it’s one of my favorite activities. For example, let’s say I’m sitting across from a man at a bar, and he’s explaining to me all the high-paying and important things he does. All I want to say to him is,
“Okay, big man,” while I bat my eyelashes and feign boredom. Just to see how he’ll react.
Being provocative is sexy to me. Of course, if I’ve chosen the right guy, he knows that this is all part of a game. That’s the point of being a brat. I like to test him first, especially in front of other people. I wind him up a bit. I rub a teaspoon of salt in his wounds. Yet we both know one thing: by the end of the evening, I will probably put his penis in my mouth. Maybe I’ll gag. And then he’ll fuck the shit out of me.
Still, in these moments of flirty playfulness, I love to see the look on his face as he assesses the situation. He’s offended, but he also knows I’m flirting with him. With any luck, he’ll raise his eyebrows. He’ll give me a look to put me in my place. Or in an equally playful and sarcastic tone he’ll say something like,
“Behave yourself” or “Wow, how charming of you.”
I like my male partners to dominate me, but they better be prepared to get a slap, or a bite or sassy comments from me in the meantime. Yes, it’s immature, okay? I’m basically an overgrown kid who enjoys irritating other people as a way to seduce them. But let’s be honest: there are incredibly high levels of narcissism amongst folks of all genders these days. We all take ourselves very seriously, and we love to tell people all about our important jobs and our successes. It’s refreshing to poke fun at each other once in a while.
My Challenge to You
So, go ahead and take the BDSM test! I dare you! Did you learn anything new about yourself? Comment more on what you find out from your results, or message me using the new SubStack Chat feature. Bye for now!