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Spooked by Female Orgasms 👻 🍑
Update on Runner Boy...
Feel free to watch this story on TikTok. Yes, I have succumbed to the terrors of short-form video, but only to a point. I do it because it’s necessary for “marketing” myself as an author, apparently.
So, here is an update on Runner Boy. Despite the sushi dinner, sleeping over, and cute conversations last week, he revealed his true intentions: to have sex with me, specifically, intercourse. As you know, I’m not opposed to such casual encounters. I was down to have fun with him, just as long as I could squash my deeper romantic feelings for him first, which I managed to do.
At the prospect of keeping things casual, another very important topic crossed my mind. If you’ve read my most popular piece, “How to Achieve Orgasm Equality,” you know that closing the orgasm gap is very important to me. Specifically, according to the International Academy of Sex Research in 2017, quoted in the Guardian, in heterosexual sexual encounters, straight women orgasm 65% of the time compared to 95% of straight men. This number makes me sad, and I’m determined to do what I can to fix it. Thus, I suddenly found myself sent off on a new quest:
I must get Runner Boy to give me an orgasm.
If I was going to have sex with this man, then he better be trained in not only the importance of female orgasms but also in the many ways that I’ve discovered on how to help females achieve them. This guy naively thought he was about to hop in bed with your average “fun” girl. But no. Instead, he got me: a gal who writes books about teenagers having sex just for kicks and who has shared the most intimate details of how I orgasm publicly on the internet. (I did so hoping it would help my female readers and friends have more orgasms, which I’m thrilled to tell you it has).
So, what did I do? I sent him this podcast episode, where I read my article on female orgasms aloud. I gave him some homework, hoping it would make it easier.
How did he respond to the episode? By sending me not words but memes:
At first, I thought he was being cute and learning because I had the wool of love for him pulled over my eyes. He has had multiple girlfriends in the past. Surely he has considered the importance of female orgasms before? But then, as his messages dwindled over the coming days, I second-guessed myself. Had I scared him off? Had I asked him for too much? Was I allowed to bargain for my equal weight in pleasure if we were most likely fooling around at my house because I live alone, and he has roommates?
I never got the answer to those questions. We stopped speaking on Sunday, and I have had the reserve not to message him since. He seems spooked indeed. I find myself, yet again, thrust into the dating world. I broke the news, or Runner Boy’s lack of news, to my therapist. Rather than letting me weep in self-pity, she helped me come to an important revelation:
I like to write publicly about intimacy and sex. Not everyone that I’m trying to date will be okay with that. Whoever I bring into my love life has to understand that I may write and say whatever I want on the internet, including very personal details about them, even if those details are anonymized.
Overall, I was sad not to fulfill my quest of getting Runner Boy to give me an orgasm. But, I learned that getting someone’s reaction to a podcast episode about female orgasms can tell you a lot about who they are. And about how much they care that their female partner is also enjoying herself if we are doing dirty deeds and keeping things strictly casual. Equal pleasure only, please.
So, my friends, I’d love to know: what are some of your non-negotiables regarding dating and sex? Do you have a not-so-secret trait, like writing about your sex life, that you should probably warn this person of beforehand?
Much love, and have a great weekend!