My Sex Toy Collection Revealed

4 toys, 48 partners, and the science of shameless pleasure 😜

Plus: Why only 15% of us use sex toys with casual partners, and why that needs to change!

Introduction 🧘‍♀️

Dear Wonderful Readers,

Sex toys are every girl’s best friend. Or at least that’s what I’ve always assumed since I accidentally discovered heaven on earth with a (new, clean) electric toothbrush at the age of 14.

As I’m on a mission to help the world be shamelessly sexy, I think normalizing our discussions about the way we pleasure ourselves is very important. That’s what inspired me to write about my toys for you today, the details and brands of which are limited to paid subscribers.

I currently own four sex toys. Two vibrators and two butt plugs. I have no intention of changing my masturbation habits, but I was curious if owning this many toys put me on the spectrum of “weirdo.” So, I decided to compare how my collection stacks up against 12,000 men and women in Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Finland, France, and the dull, drab, grey island nation where I was born, the UK.¹

I’m also developing a tool to help you explore your pleasure, which I will share more about soon. Stay tuned!

How much of a “weirdo” am I? 🤪

Let’s compare my profile to the researchers’ findings.

According to their research, the fact that I am a young bisexual woman with a higher education and many sexual partners are all factors that make me slightly more likely to own sex toys. But the scientists also shared some sad and shocking findings:

Guys, what the hell! Only 15% of us are using our sex toys with casual partners? That’s a travesty! That needs to change.

Verdict: I’m not a weirdo, just a sexually active gal 🤣 💅.

Their Other Cool Findings 🤓 📊

• Approximately 80% of UK respondents shared that they owned a vibrator, more than in any other country they surveyed. Lol.

• Women were more likely than men to own a sex toy, but the men who had sex toys tended to own more of them.

• Women were more likely to use sex toys alone, while men were more likely to use them with partners.

• “It is easier for women to reach orgasm using sex toys or that it may enhance their solo sexual experiences more as compared with men”². No shit, Sherlock 🕵.

TL;DR If you want to improve your relationship with your partner, use a sex toy with them frequently 👍.

The Bisexual Paradox 🧐

Bisexual women were more likely than straight women to use sex toys. However, just like straight women, they were less likely to use sex toys with their male partners. The researchers specifically quoted one study from 2012, which found that bisexual women who had sex in the last 30 days across the board were less likely to use their different sex toys with their male partners, compared to their female partners.³

As I wrote about before in “How to Achieve Orgasm Equality,” the more a female has sex with males, the more likely she is to experience a pleasure gap. Luckily, the scientists also address how we can tackle this, and ensure that more females are satisfied in their relationships.

The Four Sex Toy Steps To Relationship Satisfaction 🐾

The scientists identify this four-step process for couples:

1. Reveal: Either of the sexual partners must share their interest in sex toys.

2. Decision: The couple has to decide together to bring them into their sexual activities.

3. Acquisition: Get the goods.

4. Negotiation: The couple figures out how and when to include the sex toys in their activities.

This was the exact process I went through with my boyfriend, who wanted me to peg him. Just as the researchers suggested might happen, having this conversation reflected the strength of our relationship and increased our feelings of safety, security, and openness together.

It’s a miracle I graduated from Kindergarten with these coloring skills 😂

Still, the researchers hit us with another tragic finding:

“Some women feel insecure and embarrassed about introducing vibrators in their sexual lives, as they fear their partner’s reaction, while other women enjoy sex toy purchase and use as a shared experience with their partner.”⁴

Bingo. Kudos to you if you’re one of the women who doesn’t give a fuck, and who has the sex toy collection of your dream that you use with your partner(s). But for the rest of you, it’s time to work on being shamelessly sexy! If we don’t ask for what we want and reveal our interest in sex toys to our partner(s), we are not going to get what we want.

My Sex Toys: A History 📜