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Nicole's avatar

I was modeled healthy apologies in a beautiful way by an acquaintance/housemate in college. She never shied away from them, big or small, and always did so within 1-2x seeing you after any such incident she felt she had to apologize for. Direct eye contact and compassion.

She held me accountable for silly things I was doing in a loving way (I am embarrassed to say I rounded down on my part of the utility bills I owed her). I felt so cared for. Coming from an avoidant household I was surprised it felt so good.

We were never closer friends but the experience stayed with me. I make it a point to air my apologies quickly, genuinely and with a change of action. The same has held true for other emotions big and small - I like your jacket to a stranger, I love you to a partner. They come up and out and I love it. Maybe I could do with a bit more of a filter but too much vulnerability has always done me better than too little.

What I’m not great at is the same directness with compassion about how I felt in response to other people (their actions, presence, comments, etc.,). I gradually continue to learn all of these reflections also see their highest value out rather than in and it’s a tool for deepening relationships rather than what I assume they do (driving a wedge).

No juicy secrets and deep confessions to unreciprocated places but a reflection to accompany yours. 💗 Great piece.

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