I was modeled healthy apologies in a beautiful way by an acquaintance/housemate in college. She never shied away from them, big or small, and always did so within 1-2x seeing you after any such incident she felt she had to apologize for. Direct eye contact and compassion.
She held me accountable for silly things I was doing in a loving way (I am embarrassed to say I rounded down on my part of the utility bills I owed her). I felt so cared for. Coming from an avoidant household I was surprised it felt so good.
We were never closer friends but the experience stayed with me. I make it a point to air my apologies quickly, genuinely and with a change of action. The same has held true for other emotions big and small - I like your jacket to a stranger, I love you to a partner. They come up and out and I love it. Maybe I could do with a bit more of a filter but too much vulnerability has always done me better than too little.
What I’m not great at is the same directness with compassion about how I felt in response to other people (their actions, presence, comments, etc.,). I gradually continue to learn all of these reflections also see their highest value out rather than in and it’s a tool for deepening relationships rather than what I assume they do (driving a wedge).
No juicy secrets and deep confessions to unreciprocated places but a reflection to accompany yours. 💗 Great piece.
Wow, this is beautiful. I would love to have met her, and witnessed the skill of quick apologies! That's so useful and can save so much tension in relationships down the road. It reminds me of "Better out then in," from Shrek 😂 I love that you interpreted the piece in your own way and ran with it: honesty in all forms of communication, when handled with care, can liberate people. Thank you for sharing! Sending love 💕
I was modeled healthy apologies in a beautiful way by an acquaintance/housemate in college. She never shied away from them, big or small, and always did so within 1-2x seeing you after any such incident she felt she had to apologize for. Direct eye contact and compassion.
She held me accountable for silly things I was doing in a loving way (I am embarrassed to say I rounded down on my part of the utility bills I owed her). I felt so cared for. Coming from an avoidant household I was surprised it felt so good.
We were never closer friends but the experience stayed with me. I make it a point to air my apologies quickly, genuinely and with a change of action. The same has held true for other emotions big and small - I like your jacket to a stranger, I love you to a partner. They come up and out and I love it. Maybe I could do with a bit more of a filter but too much vulnerability has always done me better than too little.
What I’m not great at is the same directness with compassion about how I felt in response to other people (their actions, presence, comments, etc.,). I gradually continue to learn all of these reflections also see their highest value out rather than in and it’s a tool for deepening relationships rather than what I assume they do (driving a wedge).
No juicy secrets and deep confessions to unreciprocated places but a reflection to accompany yours. 💗 Great piece.
Wow, this is beautiful. I would love to have met her, and witnessed the skill of quick apologies! That's so useful and can save so much tension in relationships down the road. It reminds me of "Better out then in," from Shrek 😂 I love that you interpreted the piece in your own way and ran with it: honesty in all forms of communication, when handled with care, can liberate people. Thank you for sharing! Sending love 💕